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Before starting to set goals, take time to step back. Get a new perspective on the past year so you can set more authentic and meaningful goals for this year. Here are the self-reflection questions I am asking myself and sharing with my executive coaching clients.
The 10 Questions
If this year were a movie, what happened?
The idea of this question is to help you get yourself out of your usual perspective (the main character) and watch what happened as an observer. Describe the year as you would if you were sharing the story of a movie. Describe the characters in the movie (including yourself) and what happened from their perspective. You might even engage them in the exercise. It helps you get a meta view and notice things that you hadn’t seen before.
For example, as I wrote this movie narrative, I realized that life has been messy, challenging, and full of change this year. I come away with a greater appreciation for my resilience in dealing with change and challenge than I had before. I also have a better perspective on how important people in my life experienced this year.
What worked well that I’m grateful for?
As I asked this question of a friend, he realized that he hadn’t taken the step back to recognize all that had gone well, what he had created, and how he had grown. When you ask yourself what you feel grateful for, you discover more deeply what matters to you. This helps you set more authentic goals for the coming year. As you do this, take the time to actually savor what you feel grateful for.
What was challenging or disappointing?
This question helps you acknowledge what was hard and be in touch with any emotion associated with it. For example, when I asked an executive coaching client this question, she realized that one of the most challenging aspects of the year was negative feedback from her boss. She’s a top-performer and felt frustrated: “No matter how hard I try, I’m never good enough!” As she said this, tears welled up. She got in touch with her anger and hurt. This resentment she had felt toward her boss had eroded trust in their relationship.
After she processed the emotion, in our next session she was able to get a more balanced perspective: she has development opportunities, she also has strengths that help her be successful, and she had taken her boss’ feedback too personally. She realized that in the next year she wants to work on growing her confidence in herself. If she had avoided getting in touch with emotion, she would have missed the opportunity for greater insight about herself. As you do this exercise be sure to be compassionate with yourself.
What were my most meaningful moments?
Getting in touch with what is meaningful and re-living the moments that mattered this year helps you bring into greater focus where you want to spend your time and energy in the coming year.
Where did I spend my time and energy?
As you review the year, take a look at where you spent your precious time and energy. Does this reflect what matters to you? Many of us spend our time in distraction. As you look to next year, what do you want to spend more energy on and what less?
Where did I fail? What did I learn?
Acknowledging our failures without letting them define who we are is a great act of courage. It helps us fully accept ourselves as we are, see ourselves more clearly, and be more open to feedback from others. It helps us learn and grow. One of my colleagues here asks “Did I do my best?”. We often have lots of goals we want to pursue and simply asking ourselves did we do our best helps us acknowledge our failures with compassion.
Looking back overall, how do I rate my happiness on a scale of 1-10?
This is a question that one my friends asks every month. She recommends digging deeper to ask yourself what’s contributing to the rating, and continuing to dig so you understand what habits or choices (often unconscious) may be contributing. For example, when I asked myself this question, I gave myself a seven. As I dug deeper, I realized that I undermine my satisfaction when I over-commit myself, often thinking about what’s next, and don’t take the time to pause and appreciate what’s here. As I set goals for this next year, I am deliberately making a list of projects I will let go of.
As I look to next year, what will be the highest use of my talents?
This is a great question to take stock of your talents and take a step back to notice where they can be most useful. The question invites us to choose where we will spend our energies in the coming year that will serve the purposes that matter to us.
What is an area where I will exercise courage to stretch, grow and learn next year?
This is a great question my friend encourages us all to ask. She is passionate about helping us all “find brave”, and set goals that will inspire us to move beyond our comfort zone.
What does success look like to me next year?
As you review meaningful domains in your life (e.g. professional, personal relationships, health & well-being etc.) create a clear vision of what success is in each domain. Prioritize what’s important. And (mostly a reminder to myself), don’t bite off more than you can chew!
Whether you start with one question or attempt all ten, I recommend you take the time to jot down your own answers
Here are some additional questions you can tackle if you want to take a deeper dive
1. Where specifically are you stuck?
Often, the things we believe are in the way are different to what’s actually holding us back. Use this
question to dig deeper and get to the core roadblock – so you can figure out the best way forward.
2. Describe a milestone event that shaped you?
Your past holds clues. When you dive into a past experience and explore how it shaped your current
identity, you can know yourself better.
3. What keeps you awake at night?
What are the recurring themes that create fear in your life? Get them from your head onto paper
and put yourself in a better place to move through them.
4. What does success mean to you?
When you know what success means to you, it’s much easier to create situations and experiences
that inspire this feeling
5. What do you value the most?
Knowing your values will help you prioritize, make good decisions, and set the right goals. If you’re
hustling after something you don’t really care about, you’re more likely to fail.
6. If nothing was o limits, what would you do with your life?
Often we squash our deepest dreams and desires because we don’t believe they’re achievable. This
question helps you unlock the threads of thinking that spark your next goal or bucket list idea.
7. Describe your perfect day.
Use this question to get clear on the things you’d like to do on a daily basis. If your perfect day is
wildly different from where you are now, what steps could you take now to close the gap?
8. What goal are you afraid to set – and why?
Sometimes we write o a goal before we even start because it feels unmanageable and unachievable. Use this question to see what’s really in your way – and get that goal in motion.
9. What did you learn about yourself and life from your biggest mistake?
Often, the things that didn’t go well can provide some of your most powerful learning experiences. Use this question to explore how failure made you a better person.
10. What are you afraid you’ll never get around to doing?
It’s easy to promise ourselves that we’ll get to a goal later, but what if the perfect moment never arrives? Use
this question to get clear on those bucket list items you want to make concrete plans for.
Here are a couple Resources I like for Time management if you struggle in this area like I do they may help!
bit.ly/37iy5FS The Journals and Planners from this site help me every day
bit.ly/3dD1yvp These apps and extensions can help eliminate distractions
Take this free five day course https://selfmasterycourse.com/courses/5-days-to-your-best-self